I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
