This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
