I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
