I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
