I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
love makes seman taste better
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
