either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize