Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
