I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
