There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
