I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
