I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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