I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
