i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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