Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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