So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have feelings that need drinking.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
