from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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