The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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