You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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