people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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