Need sex. Gaining weight.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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