ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Randomize
