This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize