I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
