Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize