How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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