so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize