tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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