Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
