Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
