She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize