just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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