my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
