Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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