RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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