i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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