I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
