I hate all girls vehemently.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
