is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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