wanna go halves on a baby?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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