i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
