fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
