just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
