i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
