dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
