I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
