i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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