I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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