my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
