Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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