sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
