too bad you live with your parents still
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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