If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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