dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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