Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
