Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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