She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
