I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
