I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
