I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
