I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
