shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
