i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
