i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
