I'm lost and stupid without you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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