she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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