Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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