My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
