i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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