I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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