There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
