Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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