I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
