how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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