i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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