I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
