what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
