i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
