Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
vagina is talking i cant
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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