Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
