hotel room ftw
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
