Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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