im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
