I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
