If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
