God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
