Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
