you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
