Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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