I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
