The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
