things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
