Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My cat gives me a boner
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
