Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize