no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
