No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i've created a new STD.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
