dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
