why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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