Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
