Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize