all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
