Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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