So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize