We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
