We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
