You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
