I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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