i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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