First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
